Funniest Things I Heard This Week

Every year around this time, I write a hilarious post about my first week of school. There are two reasons for this: a) When the going gets tough, it's nice to be able to remind myself why I do what I do and b) I am usually strapped for time at the beginning of the school year, and the material writes itself (and is endless).

Usually, a few weeks before school starts, I have this recurring nightmare where I lose control of my students, and I start throwing erasers and Expo markers at them.

Full disclosure: I have been teaching music for seventeen years and have never once thrown anything at my students. Please don't email me.

This year, in place of the poor classroom management nightmare, I dreamt that several rattlesnakes were attempting to enter my room via an open window, while the custodian and I battled them with a broom.

(In reality, none of the windows in the music room open, thank God!)

I am pretty sure the rattlesnakes were just a manifestation of my anxiety, but the Illustrated Dream Dictionary (a gift from a friend who found my nighttime hallucinations fascinating) insists that rattlesnake dreams mean "someone you trust is going to let you down."

Dreams about snakes in general mean "you are a slave to your sexual passions." I don't think this dictionary is telling me the truth.

As soon as I started dreaming about rattlesnakes, I decided it was time to get into my classroom and prepare for the year. I was relieved to see everything was snake-free.

And as soon as the children returned, everything was hilarious again. Here are some of the funniest things I heard during my first week back to school.

MONDAY:
I heard a student helping a new student find her way to the bathroom (which happens to be right next to my classroom—lucky me).

"Are you going number one or number two?" she asked the new student.

"Huh?"

"You know, number one or number two?"

I also heard a teacher tell her class, "Let's save the flossing for outside."

 

Welcome back, everyone!

TUESDAY:
At the end of the day, I saw a former student who was picking up his little brother.

"Your eyebrows are on point," he said. "I just got mine done."

"You know, this is not the first time I have been told that," I said.

WEDNESDAY:
"I love music!" exclaimed one of the new second grade boys, after we sang our school song. "Just sayin' . . ."

Another new first grader shouted, "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" after I finished playing a song on my guitar.

He was so excited, he couldn't say anything else. He just kept making guitar gestures for the rest of the afternoon.

THURSDAY:
A kindergartner told me his name was SpongeBob.

FRIDAY:
My third graders tried to guess my age as they do every year. They ask me how old I am. I tell them I am 105 years old. Some of them kind of believe me. Others say, "NO!" and try to guess my age.

This year, one kid guessed I was in my fifties. Another asked if I was seventy.

One little girl said, "Nah, she looks like my grandma . . . I bet she is in her thirties."

A grandma in her thirties? Oh well, I'll take it.

For the latest blog updates, visit and "like" Rebecca Turner-Duggan.

What I Didn't Do This Summer

Every year, I make a summer to-do list with several self-improvement goals. At the end of every summer, I realize I didn't achieve most of my #lifegoals, and I laugh and say, "Ha ha! There is always next summer." Then the cycle begins again.

This year—spoiler alert—the story was much the same. Here are my top five Summer Non-Accomplishments.

1. I did not spend hours improving my guitar and/or piano skills. I didn’t join a band either. Guess I will just continue playing my six guitar chords (plus capo) with my students. They think I am a rock star anyway.

That time I was Lisa Loeb . . .

2. I did not reorganize my home office, filing cabinet, or kitchen pantry. This item has been on my list for two summers now. Hilarious!

3. I did not write a best-selling humor memoir. I haven't even submitted articles for publication in three or four years now. But to my faithful readers—Lucky you! I still update my blog every week!

4. I did not become fluent in French. I thought it might help me if I got beyond my one-semester-in-college-knowledge when I travel to Belgium and France next year. I occasionally play with the Babbel app on my phone, but I'm hopeless.

5. I did not lose ten or even five pounds. This wasn't a goal of mine anyway. I like wine and candy WAY too much for this to be a thing. But I did get into kick-ass shape while dancing every night in the production of Chicago.

Photo credit: Glynis Calhoun

Photo credit: Glynis Calhoun

So . . . those were the lofty goals I did not achieve this summer. I am totally fine with it. I will try again next year. (No, really, I will.)

Ready or not, five hundred little faces will be coming through my music room door on Monday, and I will once again be Mrs. Duggan, Superhero Music Teacher! That changes one's sense of accomplishment, doesn't it?

For the latest blog updates, visit and "like" Rebecca Turner-Duggan.

Awesome First Days of School: Part 2 (RE-POST from 9/17/16)

Here is a fun post about the first few days of school from about two years ago. However, the picture caption at the bottom reads, "Not in my 50's or even my 40's yet." Faithful readers, you know that I am, in fact, now in my "40's." Here is a current picture of me showing off a lanyard that my students made for me. 

(Extra credit for those who say, "You don't look like you're in your 40's!")

Chatting with them made me excited to start the new year and see what kind of awesome first days of school are in store!

 

I know, I know. Last week, I wrote a blog post also called "Awesome First Days of School." I'm cheating. I'm still in the early honeymoon stage of the school year where my students' antics are funny rather than annoying. You simply have to put up with one more week of hilarious kid anecdotes because, well, I'm a school teacher, and I have the material.

Party in the Bathroom!

One kindergartner was told she couldn't use the bathroom anymore because she was "partying in the bathroom.”

I found this out when she asked if she could use the bathroom (and was simultaneously clutching herself and dancing around). 

One of her classmates cried out, "She's not allowed to! She parties in the bathroom!" 

Apparently, this is true. She returned to her classroom one day, after being gone a long time, and announced she had a party in the bathroom, and that's why she had been gone for so long.

Drama Queens

A group of third grade girls insisted they were supposed to come in for Veterans Day art team at lunch time. I hadn't even assigned the art team yet or finished auditioning all of my classes.

“We have to see Mrs. Duggan," they told the principal. "It’s our destiny!”

He walked them to my room to check with me.

He came back a few minutes later to tell me, after I had sent them away, one of the girls took in a deep breath and said, “Let’s pretend like that never happened!”

"You have some little actresses on your hands," my principal said.

Casanova
I have been telling my choir-age students that their younger siblings can sit quietly and watch choir rehearsal before school until adult supervision arrives on the playground.

"But my little brother really likes girls, so I'm afraid he might talk," one of the fourth grade girls said, greatly distressed.

“Who’s your brother?” I asked. "Whose class is he in?"

"He’s four. He doesn’t go to this school."

"Why would he be at our choir rehearsal then?"

She stared at me in confusion.

"He doesn't come to school with you. He’s not going to be at choir with you, is he?" I asked again.

"Oh, no. I guess not."

Lookin' Pretty Good For My Age
Some of my first graders were trying to figure out my age. I go through this with my students in every grade level at least once a year. I told them I was 105 because I like messing with their minds.

“You’re in your twos!” one of the boys said.

"You mean, in my twenties?" I asked, highly unlikely seeing how this is my sixteenth year as a teacher.

"Yeah!"

"Thank you! You're my new best friend!" 

Then the conversation sounded a bit like this.

"I'm in my ones."

"No you're not! You're in your zeroes."

"I'm in my teens."

"No you're not."

One child turned my way again and proclaimed, "You're in your fifties!"

Yikes! I'll take my twos any day!

I call this picture, "Not In My 50's, Or Even My 40's, Yet"

For the latest blog updates, visit and "like" Rebecca Turner-Duggan.

I Saw Weezer! (AND The Pixies)

Someone's excited about something . . .

You may remember Weezer AND The Pixies were scheduled to perform in Salt Lake this summer. I wrote a blog post about the upcoming concert last November, and the time finally arrived. I saw Weezer AND The Pixies this week.

An added bonus: The band Sleigh Bells opened for them. My husband, Dan, and I had heard Sleigh Bells on our NPR podcasts. Of course. We are technically middle-aged, you know. We found out Sleigh Bells was opening the day of the concert, a pleasant surprise.

So here it is, what you (or at least I) have been waiting for all year. My Weezer Adventure.

Sixteen years ago, two twenty-somethings who had just started dating took their first road trip to Salt Lake to see one of their favorite bands.

Fast-forward a decade and a half: Those two twenty-somethings, now married forty-somethings, took a road trip down to Salt Lake to see that band again.

The band? Weezer!

(The Pixies, another influential band from our coming-of-age days, played too!)

The twenty-somethings, now forty-somethings? Dan and me!

(Adapted from my personal Facebook post 8/3/18.)

Our Weezer Adventure begins.

We are little grayer and wrinklier than sixteen years ago, but we didn't have smartphones or selfies or even a digital camera in 2002, which means one thing. No evidence.

Sleigh Bells . . .

 

The Pixies . . .

Then the devil is six.

Weezer kicked it off with "Buddy Holly." MTV Generation, you will recognize the set.

Scene change . . . "In the Garage . . . "

No big deal, just riding through the audience in a boat.

 

Hey, we're Weezer, and we rock!

 For the latest blog updates, visit and "like" Rebecca Turner-Duggan.