Jumping On The Walking Dead Bandwagon

I recently jumped on The Walking Dead bandwagon. My most faithful readers may remember that I resisted watching the show when my husband, Dan, started binge-watching the episodes on Netflix a few years ago.

I have only watched the first season and a half, but I'm pretty sure it's just a soap opera with a few zombies thrown in to pacify the anti-soap-opera folks.

In other words, Dan has been tricked into watching a soap opera for six seasons. He will never be able to make fun of my mild General Hospital addiction again. They even started the show off with the man-in-a-coma and my-best-friend-slept-with-my-wife tropes. To make this clear to Dan, I have been doing my best "The Californians" impression from SNL right in the middle of watching Walking Dead episodes.

"Shane, wwhhaat are yyyyou doing here-ah?"

My spot-on SNL impressions alleviate the tension because watching this show is totally stressful. When I posted that I had finally been convinced to watch The Walking Dead, so many of my Facebook friends commented on how much anxiety this show causes. Some of my friends quit watching mid-season. Other friends never started because, like me (until now), the sounds from their husbands' screens grossed them out too much.

I haven't been able to stop watching. It is like a train wreck. It would probably be less traumatizing if I looked away, but I can't. So I live with a sleep disorder instead. Here are the dreams, nightmares, and terrors from the first week I watched The Walking Dead.

Night 1: Weird Apocalypse Dream
I had a weird dream about the Apocalypse, although it wasn't a zombie apocalypse. Actually, the Apocalypse hadn't even happened yet. It just loomed in the future.

For some reason, all of the progressive liberals were fleeing to colonize a different universe. I decided not to leave the job I loved (even though it meant I had to stay behind with a bunch of conservatives).

I knew the Apocalypse would happen sometime, and I figured there was no use worrying about it. It's not like my dream gave me an exact timeline or anything.

"That’s a very sensible way of looking at the Apocalypse," Dan said the next morning. "Now what exactly did that have to do with The Walking Dead?"

Night 2: Night Terror
"Don't tell me everything is okay!" I yelled over and over at Dan.

I have no recollection of this, but Dan said I kept yelling this at him in different voices which could have been pretty funny if you think about it. Like, what if I was yelling it at him as Minnie Mouse? Hilarious!

Night 3: Chased By Zombies
Then I had a nightmare about being chased across a field by zombies, and I ended up hiding behind a pew in a church with a bunch of random strangers.

"That would be cool!" Dan said.

Night 4: Drug Ring
The next night, I dreamt Dan was shooting up heroin. In fact, he was doing heroin with a bunch of different people, and I couldn't get him to stop.

"Becky, that was the news story about the heroin problem in Idaho you fell asleep to," Dan told me when I woke up. "Your dreams have nothing to do with The Walking Dead. You just dream about whatever you see right before bed."

According to Dan, The Walking Dead goes to a crazy place. He has also indicated that it is one of those Game of Thrones-esque shows that kills off favorite characters indiscriminately. Awesome. I have already teared up a few times. (No judging! It is a soap opera after all!)

Like I said, I have only gotten through the first season and a half. I'm not sure I will be able to last much longer due to potential worsening of my already neurotic sleep disorders. But, hey, let's have another discussion when (and if) I catch up.

For the latest blog updates, visit and "like" Rebecca Turner-Duggan.

Awesome First Days of School: Part 2

 

I know, I know. Last week, I wrote a blog post also called "Awesome First Days of School." I'm cheating. I'm still in the early honeymoon stage of the school year where my students' antics are funny rather than annoying. You simply have to put up with one more week of hilarious kid anecdotes because, well, I'm a school teacher, and I have the material.

Party in the Bathroom!

One kindergartner was told she couldn't use the bathroom anymore because she was "partying in the bathroom.”

I found this out when she asked if she could use the bathroom (and was simultaneously clutching herself and dancing around). 

One of her classmates cried out, "She's not allowed to! She parties in the bathroom!" 

Apparently, this is true. She returned to her classroom one day, after being gone a long time, and announced she had a party in the bathroom, and that's why she had been gone for so long.

Drama Queens

A group of third grade girls insisted they were supposed to come in for Veterans Day art team at lunch time. I hadn't even assigned the art team yet or finished auditioning all of my classes.

“We have to see Mrs. Duggan," they told the principal. "It’s our destiny!”

He walked them to my room to check with me.

He came back a few minutes later to tell me, after I had sent them away, one of the girls took in a deep breath and said, “Let’s pretend like that never happened!”

"You have some little actresses on your hands," my principal said.

Casanova
I have been telling my choir-age students that their younger siblings can sit quietly and watch choir rehearsal before school until adult supervision arrives on the playground.

"But my little brother really likes girls, so I'm afraid he might talk," one of the fourth grade girls said, greatly distressed.

“Who’s your brother?” I asked. "Whose class is he in?"

"He’s four. He doesn’t go to this school."

"Why would he be at our choir rehearsal then?"

She stared at me in confusion.

"He doesn't come to school with you. He’s not going to be at choir with you, is he?" I asked again.

"Oh, no. I guess not."

Lookin' Pretty Good For My Age
Some of my first graders were trying to figure out my age. I go through this with my students in every grade level at least once a year. I told them I was 105 because I like messing with their minds.

“You’re in your twos!” one of the boys said.

"You mean, in my twenties?" I asked, highly unlikely seeing how this is my sixteenth year as a teacher.

"Yeah!"

"Thank you! You're my new best friend!" 

Then the conversation sounded a bit like this.

"I'm in my ones."

"No you're not! You're in your zeroes."

"I'm in my teens."

"No you're not."

One child turned my way again and proclaimed, "You're in your fifties!"

Yikes! I'll take my twos any day!

I call this picture, "Not In My 50's, Or Even My 40's, Yet"

For the latest blog updates, visit and "like" Rebecca Turner-Duggan.

Awesome First Days of School

 

I had a great summer, but I love my job too. It is always fun to get back into a routine and see my students, their new haircuts, their new tennis shoes, and the several inches of height they gained over the break.

In keeping with tradition from the past few years, here is my annual beginning-of-the-school-year blog post.

Welcome to the Awesome First Days of School!

The Way To My Heart
I booted up my laptop the first day of school and found a new folder on the desktop entitled, "Happy First Day of School!" I was trying to remember if I had created some weird presentation for my students when I clicked on it and found a Jack White album inside. Forget flowers! My husband, Dan, knows the way to my heart is music.

Funny Little Kindergartners
The first week of school is hilarious because none of the kindergartners can open the bathroom door next to the music room. It is so heavy, especially for those little ones!

That age group also has a difficult time with my name. I get called everything from, "Mrs. Pooban" to "Mrs. Doogie" to "Mrs. Duncan." Usually, "Mrs. Duggans" is about all I can hope for from the kindergartners.

I also have kindergartners who think I live in my music room. One little boy was amazed that I was in the gym one evening for a school event. As I was getting ready to leave, he asked, "Are you going back to music?"

"I'm going to my home," I told him.

He looked horrified.

"I live in a house, not at school, just like you."

He continued to look at me as though he thought my house must be located somewhere in outer space.

After music class one afternoon, the kindergartners were holding sit spots, getting ready to line up at the door. I accidentally brushed past one boy who had been diligently holding his spot in his hand.

A voice that sounded like an old stoned hippie rang out behind me, “You made me drop my dot, MAN!”

Music Teacher From The Black Lagoon
Every year, I read a book called The Music Teacher from the Black Lagoon to my second graders. It is about a boy who is scared to death of his new music teacher, and he describes several humorous scenarios he has overheard only to find out (Spoiler Alert!) she is not so bad after all.

As soon as we read the part about Miss LaNote singing opera in your ear, one of my students started imitating what he interpreted to be opera, a melody full of nonsense words, until I turned the page.

When it mentioned kids having to perform a concert in front of the WHOLE school (supposedly a scary thing for the character in the book), one of my students whispered, “Awesome!”

I guess my students are pretty sure of themselves in their music class.

What I Did Last Summer
I like to tell my students about my summer break (so they know I'm not from the Black Lagoon). I showed the kids this picture (see below) from my trip through Yellowstone, and one fourth grader asked, "Where’s his smile?"

"Mr. Duggan thinks this is smiling," I told the kid.

My students also loved my mountain biking bear story.

My Kids' Favorites
After I told the kids about myself, we played a getting-to-know-you game where they answered questions about their favorite things.

I heard one girl tell her partner that Vanilla Ice was her favorite singer ("me and my mom's favorite," were her exact words), and she started to disco.

Another fifth grader said his favorite subject in school was music. (I almost cried.)

And a third grader said, "I hate school."

And I said, "But you love music!"

And he grinned and admitted, "Yeah."

Choir Is Going To Be Crazy
One of my sixth graders glanced around the room during her music time and said, "We're going to have lots of people in choir from this class!"

How about from every class?

I have ninety-two kids signed up this year.

I am having stress dreams about choir.

Interesting Music Lingo
One of my sixth graders called a "sharp sign" a "hashtag." Hilarious. Like no one's ever heard that before, buddy.

But this next one really was funny and said in all innocence.

I was trying to help my second graders recall the term "the music staff," and one girl shouted out, "the music steak!"

Here, kids. Maybe you should watch this . . .

For more school funnies, see "Awesome First Days: Part 2"


For the latest blog updates, visit and "like" Rebecca Turner-Duggan.

Funny Kid Stuff (or So Begins the School Year) (RE-POST from 9/21/15)

This is a blog post I wrote during the 2015 school year. Enjoy this blast from the past!

The first thing I realized a few weeks ago, as the summer drew to a close, was that I would have to stop swearing so much. I develop bad habits when I am not around children. But I am glad to report that nothing has slipped out yet, and I have been back in Elementary School Teacher Mode for almost four weeks now.

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you know that my job is entertaining at times. And I have once again collected my share of interesting anecdotes over the first month of school. Here are a few of my favorites to start off the year.

1. Just Making Sure You're Aware, Mrs. Duggan . . . 
I was standing outside my classroom door, which happens to be next to the boys' and girls' bathrooms, when a kindergartner wandered up to me.

She announced (not in her "inside voice"), "I have the boys' pass, but I'm using the girls' bathroom because the other pass is gone, and I REALLY have to go potty!"

2. When in Doubt, Call Me Mommy . . .
I have my name posted by the music room door, and I was showing the second graders where to find it because kids tend to forget my name from time to time.

One little girl had her own solution to this problem.

“Once I got confused and called you ‘Mommy.’ Remember?” she said.

3. Take the Bucket With You . . . 
During the first week of school, the kids started dropping like flies. You know the stomach flu is going around an elementary school when children walk to the nurse's office, carrying a trash can under their chins.

4. No Laughing Matter . . . 
As I was heading to my car after school, one little boy walked past me with his mother.

He greeted me with, "I think I got centipede poop on my nose!"

His mother immediately said, “You were just told not to say that word anymore! That is not funny! Do you understand me? You are not being funny!”

I actually thought it was a little funny. But I also don't have to listen to him talk about poop twenty-four-seven.

5. Philosophical Discussions About Underwear . . .
I was reading Froggy Goes to School by Jack London to my first graders. In it, Froggy goes to school in his underwear, but then he wakes up and discovers that it was just a dream, and all of the kids in the class breathe a sigh of relief.

This year, one of my boys was very concerned, “But what if it was real?”

"It wasn't real though. It was just a dream," I explained.

"But what if it wasn't a dream? What if it was real?"

"I guess he'd be pretty embarrassed. I think his mom and dad would stop him before he got on the bus. Don't you?"

"I don't know . . ."

6. More Truth To This Than You Think . . .
I always get the most interesting answers to the question, "Why are we learning music?"

This year, one of my students responded with, "Just in case we want to be 'magicians' when we grow up."

That's actually more accurate than you know, kid . . .

For the latest blog updates, visit and "like" Rebecca Turner-Duggan.