The Day I Became "One of Those" Costco Shoppers

I loved going to Costco as a kid, especially on the weekend when the free samples were out.

Now the samples have lost their appeal and are harder to get at than when I was a kid. Maybe, in my maturity, I'm just too polite to push people out of the way or duck under their arms anymore.

As an adult, I dread going Costco. It is always so crowded. There are no self scans or express lanes. And what if I blank on my debit card PIN? It's been known to happen.

I hear it is a great place to work though.

I can usually get my husband, Dan, to go to Costco for me, but last week I needed tampons. Dan is progressive in every way except when it comes to buying tampons.

I once heard that you should only stick with a guy who is not afraid to buy feminine products. But in every other way he is all about gender equality, so I decided to marry him anyway. Even if I sneak tampons onto the shopping list, he comes home with everything . . . except tampons.

Anyway, I totally needed tampons, so I had to make the trip to Costco. I whispered my PIN to myself several times and headed out the door.

At first, I thought I was in luck. The parking lot was practically empty.

"Sweet!" I said to aloud. "I'll get in and out fast!"

But as I pulled into the best parking spot ever, I noticed people sitting in the few cars scattered around the lot.

I had made the mistake of thinking the store opened at nine o'clock and had shown up at nine thirty. It doesn't open until ten on the weekdays. Apparently, it's a thing for Costco customers to stake out a spot a half-hour early and wait for the store to open. The parking lot was full by nine forty-five.

I slumped down in the driver's seat and played with my phone, embarrassed. I didn't want anyone to think I was that kind of customer.

By nine fifty-five, people started getting out of their cars and circling the store even though the entrance was still closed off. It was strange, like watching gray-haired zombies swarm an abandoned building.

When I felt I had waited a fashionable amount of time after the doors opened, I took my place in the shopping cart brigade, similar to waiting in line for your turn at the car wash. One lady behind me kept ramming her cart into my butt.

"Oh dear," she said as we finally started moving. "I just about ran you over!"

As I entered the store, I noticed an elderly couple eating ice cream in the dining area. They didn't buy anything, just went to Costco for a snack. (I could see Dan and me doing this someday.)

Many shoppers had already filled multiple carts by the time I got past the TVs. I only needed three items, and I set to work finding them quickly.

They didn't even have the type of tampons I wanted.

But the good thing about being an early bird Costco shopper is that, while everyone else is busy buying out the entire store, the checkout is clear when you're only buying a few items.

When I came home later that morning, I discovered I was running low on the vitamins I buy in bulk. 

It looks like I'll have to make Costco run soon. Sigh . . .

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