Smartphones: Not the Smartest Way to Prove You Care

A few years ago, my husband, Dan, and I visited New York. I came home with this story about these three young women who were sitting together at a deli. But instead of actually sharing a meal and conversation like friends normally would, they spent the entire time in silence, on their phones.

At the time, I thought this illustrated the cold, driven nature of New Yorkers. But in reality, it was a trend, like so many other things East Coast, that hadn't reached Idaho quite yet.

One of my teacher friends observed a similar phenomenon at a local restaurant a few months ago.

"I watched this family, and every member sat on their phones throughout the entire meal. I thought the mother or father would tell the kids to put the phone down once the food arrived."

Congratulations, Idaho. You have caught up with New York. Your time is now consumed with all things mobile device. Don't stop now! I want you to at least finish my blog.

One morning, I had my backpack and badge on, my lunch bag slung over my shoulder, and I told Dan that I was leaving for work.

He was on his phone.

"I've got to go."

Silence.

"I'm leaving now."

Silence.

"I'm walking out the door."

Silence.

"Dan, I'm leaving!" I finally yelled.

That got his attention, and he looked at me like, "Why didn't you tell me in the first place? Do you really need to yell about it?"

Dan and I have been known to spend hours in a room, visiting with people who never once look up from their devices while they "talk" to us. We have been in discussions with people who give us the impression that we have their undivided attention, only to realize that these people have balanced a phone on the arm of a couch or a chair so that they can look down and check for texts or something else of dire importance mid-conversation.

I have received strange and/or horrified looks when I mention that I keep my phone on vibrate most of the time and that I don't get my messages right away. I am just as likely to check my land line for messages. Surprise, surprise! I don't want to be on call 24-7, and my smartphone is not a vehicle for that. (Yes, Dan and I still have a land line. I don't like to give my cell number to every person/corporation in the world.)

That's not to say that Dan and I don't pull out our own phones when we are being ignored or are bored. I use my phone a lot to pass the time. We even pull them out when we want to look up something quickly that might contribute to a conversation.

It is a fine line though. Have you ever been mid-discussion and had a question about something? Someone looks up said info and starts to read to him/herself silently and mutter comments. Pretty soon, they have clicked on a few extra links, and they are in the middle of a Wikipedia trap . . . without you.

News flash! You are no longer involved in that conversation. That person has chosen his/her phone over you.

Even Dan, who we've already established loves playing on his phone and hates talking to people, finds it refreshing to visit with friends and family members sans phones.

A couple of weekends ago, we hung out with a fellow Gen-X couple. It was refreshing to make eye contact and have an actual conversation while our phones were on the other side of the room. It reminded me of the good old pre-smartphone days. In fact, it was probably the most pleasant and attentive conversation Dan and I have been a part of since the smartphone craze hit.

If Dan and I, who are both slightly antisocial, miss this kind of human contact, I can't imagine what it might be doing to the more extroverted, people-loving segments of our society. In any case, Dan and I have found that the following phone etiquette works well for us.

• If someone is speaking directly to us or we are speaking to him/her, we put down our phones and give him/her our full attention.
• We do not use phones in restaurants especially when the server is at our table. That's just rude.
• We do not use phones in any place of business when someone in a service position is talking to us.
• We do not keep our phones on the nightstand. The bedroom is for sleeping only and . . . one other thing. (I'll let you use your imagination.)
• We do not check our phones when we are talking to each other.

You have reached the end of the article. Now you can turn off your phone or mobile device any time you would like.

In case you didn't catch my drift, put the damn phones down once in a while, people!

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