When my husband and I purchased a hybrid car in October, all I could think about was South Park episode 141. I realize that referencing a South Park episode probably does not uphold the intelligence of this blog, but - sorry, scholars - "Smug Alert!" was the only thing on my mind.
For those of you who have better things to do than watch South Park on a regular basis (and I promise that I only watch the show on occasion - albeit frequent occasion), "Smug Alert!" was an episode dedicated to exposing the pious attitude of hybrid owners. In fact, the featured fictional hybrid was the Toyonda Pious which, of course, bore a striking resemblance to the Toyota Prius.
I will summarize the high (or perhaps low) points of the show and leave out the cruder moments, which deal mostly with bodily functions, a topic most unworthy of this post. For a complete synopsis, you are more than welcome to research it on your own.
Kyle's father (Kyle wears the green hat, for you non-South Park fans) buys a hybrid car, tries to convert all the people of South Park to do the same, and decides he needs to relocate his family to the more progressive-minded San Francisco. Stan (the character in the blue hat topped with the red pom pom) writes a song, convincing the people of South Park to buy hybrids in order to convince Kyle's family to stay. His efforts are in vain; the townspeople buy hybrids, but Kyle and his family move to San Francisco. Soon, the South Park kids find out that hybrid owners emit a complacent gas called "smug" into the air. Once the clouds of smug from South Park and San Francisco merge with the smug diffused from George Clooney's 78th Academy Awards acceptance speech, a cataclysmic storm of apocalyptic proportions will occur. And hilarity ensues.
All the way to the Ford dealership, Dan and I discussed this episode, vowing not to "emit smug" regardless of our environmentally conscientious purchase. After all, no one would even know we were driving a hybrid because a Fusion hybrid looks just like its non-hybrid counterpart. And we were keeping our SUV which obviously cancels out our smug footprint. I will admit, however, that I feel a lot less hypocritical about transporting my reusable bags to the grocery in a hybrid rather than in an SUV.
After our sale was finalized, we felt a little . . . hmmm . . . (not smug!) pleased with ourselves when the car salesperson thanked us for being so kind while purchasing our car.
"People have been pretty cranky lately," he said. "It was really refreshing to work with you."
Of course our self-satisfaction gave way to sympathy as we made our way to the parking lot where we noticed a plump lady wearing a white sweatshirt and a scowl. She was arguing relentlessly with one of the sale reps.
"I guess he's right," I said, pointing out the altercation as we got ready to drive our car off the lot.
Pretty soon, I discovered Dan had not wanted to buy a hybrid for smug reasons. A hybrid fulfilled some of Dan's unrequited dreams of starring in a sci-fi movie and somewhat fueled his latent competitive tendencies.
For the first couple of weeks of our hybrid ownership, Dan mimicked the sound of the car every time we came to a stop. "It's like we're coming out of hyperspace." Our car really does sound like an X-wing fighter from Star Wars when it slows down.
Dan also spent the first few weeks of hybrid driving with his eyes on the dashboard rather than on the road. That's because our dashboard tells us how many miles per gallon we are getting as we drive. Getting the indicator to stay at 60+ mpg became a little game for Dan, one that he was going to win every outing.
"I got 60+ on that last block! That's really hard to do, you know, drive at the same speed."
"Yeah, but you're driving five miles under the speed limit, and you're going to wreck my car if you don't look at the road every once and a while." I was ignored.
"Uh oh. I dipped below 40. Maybe we can catch up." "31.8 for that whole trip! That's awful!"
Now that the temperature outside has dropped below 32 degrees, I've started to notice that we don't turn on the heater when Dan drives the car.
"I got 50 mpg the other day when I turned off the heater," he explains.
I think my husband's miles-per-gallon competition with himself is not so much about taking care of the environment as it is about advancing to the next level on a video game. And I suppose I should be grateful that we - the newbie hybrid owners - are too busy playing games to emit a cloud of self-righteous smug-i-ness over our city.
For the latest blog updates, visit and "like" Rebecca Turner-Duggan
Check out more of my work in:
No comments:
Post a Comment