Text Message: IDUWWCJUCSA

There is a phenomenon sweeping across the technological world that makes using complex sentence structure a thing of the past. It's called text messaging. I bet you cannot figure out the title of my posting. That is because I have joined the ranks of the young and the hip. Now when I speak or write, it is not necessary for me to use actual words. In the young and hip text messaging universe, I am only required to divulge the first letter of each word in my sentences. And only young and hip people with super texting decoding powers can understand me.

I stumbled upon text messaging by accident. Dan and I were running some errands when all of a sudden, my cell phone let out the strangest doorbell noise I had ever heard.

"View now, view later," the screen said.

I pressed "OK" and there was a message from my brother Steve. He wanted to know when he could pick up his birthday cards from our grandmother and great aunt, since they refuse to send anything directly to him but always send any correspondence (birthday cards, graduation gifts, money, etc.) in care of me.

After making sure Dan, my husband and technology guru, wasn't watching, I tentatively put the phone to my ear just in case Steve was actually on the other end and that message was just the "subject line" to his phone call.

"Hello?" I whispered.

"Who are you talking to?" Dan glanced at me from the driver's seat.

"No one. I just got an IM (young and hip lingo for Instant Message) from Steve."

"That's a text message, Becky."

"That's what I meant."

Pretty soon, I started noticing odd consonant-vowel combinations popping up on magazine pages, commercials, billboards, in e-mails - BTW, BRB, LOL, LOLA, TTFN, and IYKWIMAITYD. Occasionally, I found out that what I thought I knew about the English lexicon did not always apply in the text messaging world. For instance, SOS does not always mean "help" in the world of text abbreviations. Sometimes it means - well, I'll let you look that one up. And WTF does not mean "Where's the food?"

Young people, this bizarre obsession you all have with locutionary brevity is nothing new. Let me introduce you to FDR and his New Deal complete with the FERA, PWA, and SSA.

Eventually, I knew I had to jump on the bandwagon when I saw my dad texting my brother during his college graduation. In fact, my dad glows with pride everytime he receives a text and goes to work replying to the message promptly.

I realized that if I ever wanted to contact any young people such as my brother or any of his peers, I would have to master the art of text messaging. None of the younger generation answers the phone anymore. Text message them, and you can expect an immediate response even if they failed to pick up your call five minutes before.

"You know how to text?" a teenager asked me one day a little too incredulously.

I had just picked up my cell phone and was punching random numbers that the phone somehow converted into letters on the tiny screen in front of me.

"Of course," I sniffed.

I turned away so that the kid couldn't see how slow I was typing.

"Let me do it for you," Dan always says when he sees me texting. "Haven't you ever seen the kids text? They can do it so fast!"

It's true. I am a very slow texter. It takes me a while to figure out where all the letters are and how many times I need to punch the number in order to arrive at the desired letter. Besides, nobody ever texts Dan, so he never gets to show off his mad texting skills. It's quite sad.

Now that I have been initiated into the text messaging universe, I have decided I can start using that abbreviated slang that only young and hip people know how to decipher. Did any of you figure out the title of my posting?

(Here's a clue for any of you elderly readers: I don't understand why we can't just use complete sentences anymore.)