Sunday, April 21, 2013

In Which I Explore My Overinflated Sense of Height

Yesterday I went shoe shopping, and it made me think about my overinflated sense of height. Has anyone else noticed that it's virtually impossible to find "business casual" sandals with less than a two-inch heel? I don't want to be two inches taller. First of all, I'm scared of heights. Second of all, I already think I'm too tall.

A long time ago, my mother measured me at five-four. I spent years thinking I was an average height and staying out of the petite sections because "petites" are for women who are five-four or below. I couldn't understand why my pant legs dragged under my feet or why my sleeves hung about two inches below my hands.

"Don't you remember how Mom measured us?" my brother said. "She held the yardstick at an angle. I don't think it was very accurate."

The doctor measured me at almost five-two-and-a-half. She was nice and rounded me up to five-three. At my school health screening, the nurse recorded my height at five-two.

My husband, Dan, thinks I am crazy. (This is nothing new.)

"I can't wear those shoes. I'm almost as tall as you in them!"

"Yeah, right. You come up to my chin instead of my shoulder in those shoes."

Then he turns my attention to the mirror, and I have to admit, I'm not nearly as tall as I imagine.

"These shoes are so tall. Look, I'm eye-to-eye with you now!"

Then Dan bends his knees and looks into my eyes.

"This is eye-to-eye, Becky. You're not that tall."

But I'm not that short either. It's all relative.

In my brother's wedding pictures, I do look a bit shorter than most of the wedding party. But my brother is from a generation of kids who grew taller than us Gen-X'ers.

In the last picture I took with my in-laws, I was standing on uneven ground, and I ended up looking taller than everyone else.

In pictures with my family, there used to be a drop-off (like a valley) where I was standing. But now that my brother and stepbrother have gotten married, I'm not the only valley in the photos.

In our staff photos, I am definitely not the shortest person at my school. I have a lot of colleagues who are shorter than I. (I am pretty sure that elementary school teaching is a short people profession.)

The other day, I wore a pair of ballet flats to school.

One of my kindergartners said to me, "Mrs. Duggan, you look short today. How many inches are you?"

"So if a kindergartner thinks I'm short . . . " I said to Dan that evening.

"You're not the shortest person ever. I know people as short or shorter than you," Dan conceded. "I also know people taller than you though."

See . . . I'm not that much shorter than Dan. Of course, I am in two-inch heels.

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