How I Survived the First Week of School

 Here is how I survived the first week of school: 

• I avoided coverage of the Republican National Convention (too crazy and a little depressing) . . . unless it was on The Daily Show or The Colbert Report.
• I ate leftovers all week. As an equal-opportunity-loving feminist, I would have been happy to let Dan cook for us. And Dan, also an equal-opportunity-loving feminist, would have been happy to do so. But we would have ended up eating cheese quesadillas every night.
• I repeated this mantra: "Labor Day is just around the corner."
• Caffeine! And only because Valium is a controlled substance.
• Chocolate! And only because Valium is a controlled substance.
• Zumba! A little healthier than Valium.
• I laughed with my colleagues. We have plenty of material at an elementary school.
• I focused on anecdotes like this: A little student of mine, who looks just like my brother did at age six, called a picture of a trumpet a "trump-bone." Adorable!

At the end of the first week of school, Dan and I were both comatose by 9:00, even though I had been the one herding six hundred kids all week.

"When can we retire?" he asked. He was having sympathy fatigue, I guess.

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