A few months ago, my husband, Dan, and I applied for passports. Especially disappointing to my reserved husband, we could not, as first-time passport applicants, complete the entire process online. In other words, we had to go talk to people.
When we called to make the necessary appointment, the clerk (a.k.a. The Passport Nazi) was quite adamant that we have the paperwork properly filled out prior to our time slot lest it hinder our status as potential passport recipients.
She ended our phone conversation abruptly by saying, “If you’re late, you’ll have to reschedule.”
We got the impression that we could single-handedly (as a couple) bring about the Passport Apocalypse if our forms were not filled out to perfection upon arrival.
Due to our shared fear of The Passport Gestapo, our diligent, rule-following, responsible, overachieving, oldest child syndrome kicked into high gear. We filled out the forms, printed off two copies of each, and attached the applications, with color coded paper clips, to our birth certificates.
The night before, I put all of the passport materials in our European vacation file folder and set it on the dining room table. I suggested that we take the entire folder to our appointment. Dan decided we just needed the passport forms, and we left the copies and file folder at home.
The next afternoon, we realized, while sitting at the passport office desk, that Dan had only grabbed my passport applications, the original and the copy, and had left his application in the file folder at home.
“I should have checked," I said. "It’s my fault,” which probably carried with it the implication, "because you never do this sort of thing right."
Luckily, the woman who worked with us (a.k.a. Nice Passport Clerk) was much more laid back than The Passport Nazi who had scheduled our appointment. This clerk allowed Dan to fill out a new form while taking my picture. So much for jeopardizing our passport recipient status if we didn't have all the paperwork filled out beforehand.
Dan started to fill out the second application incorrectly, writing his first name under the last name blank, and had to ask for yet another new form.
“He’s very nervous,” I confided to the clerk.
Dan shot me an annoyed glance.
“You’ve got plenty of time,” Nice Passport Clerk told him soothingly.
That seemed to calm Dan down, and we got through the rest of the process without much of a hitch.
As we were leaving, Dan hissed, “That lady at the desk behind us was the one I talked to on the phone. I recognized her voice.”
As we imagined how different our passport application experience might have been, a shudder simultaneously passed through our bodies . . .
National Duggan's European Vacation Episode #1
National Duggan's European Vacation Episode #3
National Duggan's European Vacation Episode #4
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