I'm Gonna Talk About My Period (Men, Beware)

Faithful readers, you know I am not afraid to talk about female stuff. You might remember the Great Mammogram Post of 2017.

This time, I am going to discuss my period and, again, not in a sexy way.

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Faithful readers, you also remember I am in my forties now. And, wow, the times they are a changing.

I've written about my newly acquired jaw issues and the aches and pains and wrinkles that decided to grace my forties.

"Forty-something is a weird age," my husband, Dan, said. "You can still do things, but sometimes it hurts."

Lately, I have been getting migraines with auras pretty regularly. They are not tied to any particular food, like my mother's were. I have had aura migraines since I was sixteen, but not on a regular basis. I would get one every two to three years. They often followed a high stress/high adrenaline time, after a music program, choir concert, or theater production.

Since I turned forty, I have had one or two every month.

I thought this was coming from out of nowhere . . . until I realized, "Weird. These are happening a couple of days before I start my period."

I knew my hormones were going a little haywire. Last year, I talked to my doctor about the strange periods I was having.

"Some months, I'm just spotting, or I barely have a period. Is there a chance I could be . . . pregnant?"

"Probably not at your age, especially while you're on birth control," she said. "This sort of thing just starts happening during your forties. Next month, your flow might be very heavy."

She was right. Go figure.

This year, I told her about the migraines.

"It's like a switch flipped when I turned forty," I said.

"At least you don't need a colonoscopy until you're fifty."

"That's something to look forward to," I said. "Maybe the technology will be better in the next ten years."

"I keep hoping for that too," she admitted.

By the end of my visit, my doctor had adjusted my birth control. I am supposed to take it continuously for ninety days to avoid the estrogen drop before my cycle. The best thing about this is I will only have a period FOUR TIMES A YEAR!

"I'm so excited to not get a period next week!" I said to Dan.

"Is this going to be like that SNL skit?" he asked.

"Probably. Watch out! Ha ha!"

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