Now My Jaw Has Issues

I had to get a night guard for my jaw. My first half of the school year was fraught with TMJ-like issues, mostly in the form of jaw fatigue peppered with some pain and clicking on one side.

I started having problems in early October, during my never ending music program preparations, after several zealous episodes of mouthing the words to "Grandma's Feather Bed." (Thank you, John Denver, for singing so fast.)

I told the sixth graders it was their fault, "You're the reason I have to get a mouth guard!"

They weren't even in any of those first semester programs.

A theater friend of mine, who happened to be directing a show at the time, told me he said something similar to his actors, "Only it was more along the lines of, 'You're the reason I drink!'"

"I can't say that to sixth graders."

Since joining the night guard club, I've discovered almost every teacher has one. My music teacher friend said she chewed through hers. I hope I'm not that stressed. $150 down the drain would really make me grind my teeth.

"So many of our teacher patients have one," the hygienist said when we decided I needed one. "And it's funny. They wear it during the school year but not during the summer."

They took dental impressions which consisted of pressing my teeth into a tray overflowing with pink putty.

"Some people gag!" the dental technician said cheerfully.

I didn't gag. Everything was fine.

Now that I have my night guard, it gives my husband, Dan, one more reason to laugh at me.

He says I sound like my three-year-old nephew and makes me repeat words with "s" over and over (or as I say, "thhh . . . ").

I drool over night now, like a large dog, and wake up with a tiny pool of saliva on my pillow.

I swear the splint passes canker sores around the inside of my mouth. It is better now that I deep clean it every week. I have become a woman who buys vinegar and hydrogen peroxide in bulk.

The night guard has helped me relax my jaw though. I felt fine during my fifth and sixth grade spring musical and kindergarten graduation. I guess that means I can't blame the sixth graders anymore.

The big question is, do I still need one now that school is out?

Yes. Apparently, I am a stress case during the summer too.

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