The Kids Are Crazy

Elementary school kids are crazy. And hilarious. And unfiltered. Here is the latest installment of Kid Funnies from my school year. Enjoy!

1. Bastard!
On music game day, a couple of six-year-olds were at my listening station where I introduce them to the magic of CDs, all of which have been deemed school appropriate by yours truly. Or so I thought.

"Mrs. Duggan, is 'bastard' a bad word?" one of the kids shouted (of course, since he was wearing headphones).

I spent an hour after school, scouring my listening station for inappropriate songs. I found no mention of a "bastard" in any song. The only thing I can think of is that he mistakenly thought he heard the word.

2. The Well-Oiled Machine
Occasionally, one of my first graders behaves like a machine. How do I know? He suddenly pops up in his seat, making whirring noises while his eyes roll around in his head. Then his body flops over when the machine finally shuts down. And no, he is not having seizures. I already checked with the nurse.

3. What Are You Wearing on Your Head?
I have a student who loves to dress like animals. One year, she wore a tail almost everyday. The other day, she was wearing a thing on her head that looked way too much like one of those bachelorette party penis hats.

"I made it myself!" she said proudly.

It took me a minute to figure out she was supposed to be a unicorn.

4. My Maiden Name
I have a student whose last name is the same as my maiden name. None of the kids know my maiden name anymore because I was married before they were born.

"Do you know what my name was before I was Mrs. Duggan?" I asked the student.

She paused for a moment, regarding me, deep in thought.

Then she said, "Rebecca?"

5. What Happened to Rock 'N Roll?
I force the choir kids to do a physical warmup to Weezer's "Buddy Holly" most mornings.

"This is when music rocked!" I told them all. "Nowadays, you just listen to that synthesized stuff."

"You sound like a real grown-up, Mrs. Duggan," said a fifth grade girl.

Touché.

6. This music reminds me of . . .
My fourth graders were filling out a listening log in preparation for the Philharmonic Children's Concert next week. The final question was "This music reminds me of . . ."

One of my students wrote, "This music reminds me of Mrs. Duggan because it started calm and got excited all of a sudden."

Best. Response. Ever.

Guess who loves her job? This girl!

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