Well . . .

The other day, I passed a child on my way to the parking lot. I asked him how he was doing.

"Good," he answered.

"You tell her, 'I am doing well.' Not, 'Good,'" his grandmother corrected. "That is not the proper way to answer her question."

She looked at the boy pointedly, but he was too busy playing with some plastic (educational? I hope, after that reprimand) toy. He had the right idea. I would have ignored her too, but she kept talking.

"We have to start young, breaking these children of their bad habits. So many kids learn to answer that question the wrong way."

I almost said, "You should hear the way most kids speak at school. You would have a lot of bad habits to break, and you might be called a few naughty things while imparting your knowledge."

Instead I said, "Adults do it too!" with a nervous chuckle.

Then I fled from the Grammar Nazi Grandma as quickly as possible.

But I have been thinking about this exchange all weekend mostly because I went grocery shopping this morning.

I cringed every time I was asked, "How are you today?" by a guy restocking the organic produce because in my head I was thinking, "I want you to know that I know I should be answering this with, 'I am well.'" But what I actually said was, "Good," because I was also thinking, "I just want you to move so I can grab a head of lettuce."

I was asked five times in ten minutes, "How are you today?"

And every time, I replied with, "Good!"

"I am aware that this is incorrect grammar," I muttered to my husband, Dan.

"Isn't it just one of those things that people have said for such a long time, so now it's okay?" he asked.

"Not according to the Grammar Nazi Grandma."

But here is the thing. Most of the time, I am in a hurry when someone asks me how I am doing.

If I answer with, "I am well," that phrase is three times longer than, "Good!"

I think, "Fine," sounds abrupt and slightly sarcastic.

Just answering with, "Well," can easily be mistaken for, "Well . . ." as though I am not done with my thought process, and I am about to give a detailed account as to how I am really doing.

And doesn't "I am well" sound a little pretentious anyway? I might respond this way if I were trying to impress someone in a my-grammar-is-better-than-yours moment. But I don't want to behave that way around underpaid grocery workers who spend long shifts on their feet dealing with rude customers and neurotic shoppers (a.k.a. Me).

Of course, now that I've written this, I will probably be very careful about my response to the question, "How are you?" for a the next few months. Don't be surprised if I answer you with a huffy sniff and a tortoise shell cigarette holder dangling from my lips, "I am quite well."

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