The facts are these:
February 18
We stop at a restaurant in Layton, Utah. The greeter holds the door open for us as we exit.
He says something like, "How was everything?"
I can't exactly hear him, so I just say, "Thanks."
He says, "Sounds great! Have a good one!"
Dan and I leave feeling as though we have just had an odd conversation in total non sequiturs.
At our hotel, the elevator on the right makes a strange bumping sound. Even stoic Dan looks alarmed. A few nights ago, I had a dream about getting stuck in a hotel elevator. Could it have been a premonition? Later, we take the middle elevator. It squeaks upon landing in the lobby.
"That sounds better," Dan says in a desperate attempt to reassure me.
There is no hair dryer in the room. Every time I pack for a trip, I debate for hours about whether or not I should bring my hair dryer.
"Yes, I think there will be a hair dryer in the room," Dan always answers me for the fiftieth time.
We even refrain from booking hotels that make no mention of hair dryers under the amenities in the AAA book.
For once, I didn't worry. And I didn't ask Dan if I should bring one. And Dan didn't have to say with an exasperated sigh, "Yes, I think there will be a hair dryer in the room."
Dan even checks under the bed. No hair dryer.
We go to the hot tub. One of our room keys gets mixed up after another hot tub patron has lain all over our stuff on a nearby bench. I figure she has taken our key by mistake. Dan goes back to the whirlpool room to see if he can find it. He finds a stray key near the girl's resting place. It doesn't work either.
February 19
We go shopping at the outlet mall in Park City. My eyes water in the cold air.
I say to Dan, "Everybody is going to think you're making me cry, and then they will give you dirty looks. That will be funny."
He doesn't think that sounds funny.
I am more than willing to brave the cold and buy clothes but not without complaining about J. Crew's crazy high prices regardless of its use of sweatshop labor.
"And do you know what a banana republic is? Who would name a store after such a terrible atrocity?"
Then I buy a blouse, sweater, and scarf at the Banana Republic outlet. I feel like a hypocrite. "I didn't pay full price though," I tell myself. The cashier sees my ID and tells me he is from Boise and is a BSU Bronco fan.
Dan and I decide to eat at Ruby Tuesday. We walk the streets of downtown Park City singing every "Ruby" song that comes to mind.
"Destination unknown. Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby Soho . . ."
"Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby. And do ya, do ya, do ya, do ya know what you're doing, doing to me . . ."
"Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday. Who could hang a name on you . . ."
We go back to Salt Lake City after dinner. We see the movie Chronicle.
"You're a fun date," Dan says afterward. "I can take you to sci-fi movies, and you like them!"
(Please refer to Wonder Dan Turns Me Into a Sci-Fi Nerd.)
I start to get the sads.
"I like vacations, but they end so fast. Then we have to go back to the real world and never see each other again."
Dan gives me a strange look.
"We'll see each other."
February 20
The elevator we take to the lobby vibrates all the way down. Dan makes a face.
"Don't do that!" I say. "You're supposed to be the calm one."
We have to check out of the hotel with what I am now calling the "Faux Key." We concede that it shouldn't matter. The clerk will just assume we never tried the key, since it was a spare, and that we never knew it didn't work in our door.
"Some people cut up their hotel room keys anyway," I tell Dan. "They think their identities can be stolen from the magnetic strips. So the workers are probably used to the keys not being returned."
"People are weird."
We go shopping at The Gateway.
A few years ago, I found a girl arguing with herself in the bathroom at this shopping center. And I don't mean she was just talking to herself like I do from time to time. She was having a full-on altercation with herself. . . in different voices. I thought there was someone else in the bathroom with her.
Today at The Gateway, I call my husband who has wandered to another store. He can cover five stores to my one.
"Where are you?" I ask Dan.
"I'm right here," says a boy who is passing by. He is obviously eavesdropping on my phone conversation. He grins. He looks about sixteen.
Time to go home.
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